who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
