walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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