Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
