You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
