in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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