woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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