Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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