In the future we'll all be gay
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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