just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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