People with herpes should wear stickers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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