quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
