Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Randomize
