Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
