There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
