My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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