the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love having hate sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
