Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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