How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
