She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
