I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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