I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
