Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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