Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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