peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
