I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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