I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
