Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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