Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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