Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
