That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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