So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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