I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
