I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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