Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
