i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
