New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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