Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
