When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
