I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and she was petting her beer can
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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