If that was your dad, he is hot
Duck Duck Cougar?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
