Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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