Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Floor bacon is actually really good
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
