I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
