We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
