4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
