the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
