I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
