These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
