I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
