I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
